Journal Entry

Inward reflection is beneficial, outward expression of the internal provides transparency. People are as real and genuine as you allow them to be.

It may be years before we ever grasp all of this. I wish I could tell you what I am talking about, but its better for now that you don’t know the details. It is human nature to have an opinion and comment on anything and everything, to make assumptions, and to guess at just about everything. But in this situation, there is no opinion that makes sense, there is no finding a solution to a problem, there is simply embracing what has happened at face value and trusting God with the rest. Stop assuming, stop trying to figure it out, let it be unknown. Let it stir your heart to something more, to something deeper. Let the voices in your head be silent and truly listen to your heart.

Life has meaning and purpose, yet few people choose to live fully embracing what that purpose is. I am the worst, I have valued comfort and adventure and selfishness. I have in so many ways held purpose and the vision of my heart at an arms distance away, and somehow trying to convince myself that everything is ok, that it is alright, that I will be fine. Many days pass by where my faith feels small, that my trust wavers, that I forget. I stroll through life unassuming, not fulling considering, or in the slightest surrendering. Sure I have given, I have served, I have tried, but surrender, pain, anguish, struggle, no these would not describe my life. I have all i need and more, I spend my days doing what I would like, rather than in surrender to purpose, vision, mission, and calling. The fear that holds me back is a lack of trust in the one who holds it all, the one who is above and before all things.

I process things as I write and sing, so bear with me or allow these musings to go unread, it makes no difference to me, for they help in the process that I must follow. But why public and why for all to see? Why not in journals tucked away? Because people seem to live in this bubble of instagram and facebook where everything has to be jolly and happy and okay. The world is not ok, there is darkness, there is pain, there is an unknown waiting to be explored, a history needing to be written. In the annals of this generation a man will stand out above the rest. I can assure you that for the moment that person is not me, I have chosen the fate of my existence this year, It has been a simple, adventurous year, but it has not been one that was filled with surrender, it was not surrounded by sacrifice, and it was not filled with pain or suffering.

Some of you will not get it, you still won’t understand. We were made for more, our soul and spirit can survive in the complacency and they can grow old and die in the day to day living, but out spirit will only soar when we embrace our calling and vision and purpose. It is a call to myself to find a way to return to the path, to return to the labor, to return to the struggle. To find trust, to discover truth, to abandon the lie, and run after purpose and life.

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