The Moments Before Spring

I have been mostly aware of the seasons in my life, not just the natural seasons, though I am fully aware of those, since I mostly work outside and am convinced that winter is the worst of the four natural seasons. In my front yard right now if you focus your eyes, you will see the thin green shoots of grass beginning to poke through the dirt. On the rose bush purple little shoots are beginning to bud off of the trimmed branches, and the soft churning of the mole which resides in our yard is making his presence known. In my heart I also feel an emotional and a spiritual awareness of a shift in seasons that is coming. I have lived a pretty simple life the last two almost three years since graduating from college. In my heart I feel and know that I should be doing more than simply working. When I was getting ready to graduate from ORU, I had the thought that I would finish school and work for a little while, then maybe think about going back to school again. This weekend I feel that maybe it is time to begin looking at MBA programs again.

I don’t know what this season of education may look like, but i want to do more with my life than I currently am accomplishing. I have taken the last few years to relax a little, find enjoyment in my weekends with friends and personal activities, and explore the outdoors through camping, hiking, and motorcycle rides. This has brought some refreshing where I kind-of felt burned out of serving the church and ministry. I found that I had friends and mentors in my life that once I stopped serving they suddenly were too busy to be a part of my life, not to blame them, I do not often invite others to social events, and am not the most outgoing or communicative person. But this feeling of my value only being in what I could do to serve the ministry had weighed on me.

Today I went to a church which I have known about for a while, have seen the discipleship and community they are building, and know a few people who attend. I committed to being a part and I am excited about beginning a journey of being more committed in this area of my life. I was raised in church and have lived in Tulsa most of my life, at the age of twenty-five I began to feel a disconnect from my childhood church. I love the work that they are doing, and believe in their mission and vision, however I became distant and disconnected, some of this feeling I think had grown out of the burnout of serving the church. I am trusting God that this season will give life to my heart and soul again. I have been consistent in some ministry gatherings at a friends home, which have been a sanctuary for the growing and relaxing season I have been in, but I know that a cultivating and planting season of growth and searching for more is needed right now in my life.

I am not a perfect person, there are areas of my life that need cut off, trimmed, and removed, while other areas of my life need fertilized and watered and fresh sunlight from God alone. I am hopeful and expectant of what is to come, and I know that there is more on its way.

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